Mike Huckabee - a former Baptist minister and Presidential candidate - visited Billings, Montana on Tuesday and Wednesday to help promote Republican Roy Brown for Governor. He brought with him the wrath of his God.
It began with a fire roughly 30 miles away near Park City on Tuesday, which was started by a lightning strike. But Huckabee was overheard saying, “My Lord is telling you, you’d better listen to Mikey or you’ll have the worst fire year since 1988.”
With some help from cooler weather the fire was 100% contained by Wednesday night. But rumor has it the firemen gave up the fight early on, got down on their hands and knees, and sent prayers up to Huckabee’s God. They also promised to vote for Roy Brown, an oil tycoon.
On Wednesday the local FBI chapter revealed a threat had been made against area refineries. Conoco and Exxon-Mobil promptly assured local residents that not only had they stepped up security, but they had sequestered their top employees in candle-lit rooms to send prayers to The Almighty God of Huckabee, until, “it‘s safe for them to come out.”
When questioned about the refinery threat Huckabee was overheard saying, “My only concern right now is helping Roy Brown. If you‘re planning to write a check to the Lord, take that check and send it to the Brown campaign. That‘s what I‘m doing because I love the Lord and I‘m not gay.”
Why am I writing about myself in the third person? I don’t know, but I hope Mike Huckabee’s God will stay away, whoever or whatever it is.
It began with a fire roughly 30 miles away near Park City on Tuesday, which was started by a lightning strike. But Huckabee was overheard saying, “My Lord is telling you, you’d better listen to Mikey or you’ll have the worst fire year since 1988.”
With some help from cooler weather the fire was 100% contained by Wednesday night. But rumor has it the firemen gave up the fight early on, got down on their hands and knees, and sent prayers up to Huckabee’s God. They also promised to vote for Roy Brown, an oil tycoon.
On Wednesday the local FBI chapter revealed a threat had been made against area refineries. Conoco and Exxon-Mobil promptly assured local residents that not only had they stepped up security, but they had sequestered their top employees in candle-lit rooms to send prayers to The Almighty God of Huckabee, until, “it‘s safe for them to come out.”
When questioned about the refinery threat Huckabee was overheard saying, “My only concern right now is helping Roy Brown. If you‘re planning to write a check to the Lord, take that check and send it to the Brown campaign. That‘s what I‘m doing because I love the Lord and I‘m not gay.”
When asked if he wanted to be McCain’s running mate, he was quoted (this one is real), “It‘s a little early for the captain of the football team to ask me to the prom.”
In related news, blogger Alicia Billings was struck down Wednesday with a flu bug and was forced to stay in bed for nearly 24 hours. She had horrible nightmares of blood-sucking vampires, and children. Lots and lots of children.
Why am I writing about myself in the third person? I don’t know, but I hope Mike Huckabee’s God will stay away, whoever or whatever it is.
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