It's raining brake pads!

Or, the alternate title: What the hell? WTF?

Sunday morning the kids were upstairs and they heard a strange sound that kind of startled them, like a bunch of Lincoln Logs sliding down the roof. My oldest son went out to investigate on the side of the house where they heard the noise, and lo and behold, he found a small box and oddly shaped discs lying on the lawn. That’s right, there were brake pads on the wet grass near a sopping wet, flat, torn box that read “… Disc Brake Pads”.

I have no idea what this was doing on our roof. But I guess all of the rain with no sun to dry out the box caused it to finally slide down and make an appearance.

Who put it there? When did they put it there? How long has it effing been there?! But most importantly, why would anyone put a box of brake pads on the roof?!? It doesn’t make any kind of sense. I am still baffled, and I don’t like being baffled.

We get our brake pads changed at a local shop when we need that done. My kids and I know nothing about installing these things. I can barely change a tire ‘cause the jack and I just don‘t get along. All I’m good at is checking fluid and keeping levels up to par. Anything more than that when it comes to automobiles would be like trying to perform brain surgery. And no one wants me poking around in anyone’s brain.

When my ex stopped by I showed him the evidence and watched his reaction very closely. After all, he did live in this house at one time. But no, he was just as surprised as we were. He said they weren’t new, but that’s all he could tell me. I’m so sorry he couldn’t get any use out of them.

Well, hell. That leaves the roofers under suspicion. A few years ago they were up there daily for about a week, maybe longer. They were the “budget” roofers. They dropped cigarette butts on our lawn. One guy even looked like a pirate. He had tattoos everywhere, wore a bandana on his head and had a nipple ring. All he was missing was an eye patch, a sword and… brake pads?

I give up trying to solve this mystery. I’m afraid of heights or I’d see if there’s anything more on the roof I should know about.

What else could possibly be up there? Hoses? Belts? The rest of the car in pieces stuffed down my chimney?