When I was channel-flipping last weekend I tuned into part of a show on the History Channel called Last Days On Earth. It was about various ways we humans could be entirely killed off, smoted, whatever you want to call it. I usually avoid these types of gloom and doom shows. Who wants to hear about disaster scenarios that are beyond our control?
For example, if the super volcano in Yellowstone Park decides to erupt and my gas tank is full and we are informed within the hour then we just might get out of here before our lungs fill with ash, but I really don‘t like to ponder these things. I think that spooky show was on the Discovery channel two years ago, but it takes time for me to heal from that kind of trauma. The only pleasure I get from it is knowing if it happens I’ll have a free pass to drive 80 mph in a 25 mph zone. I’ve always wanted to drag race down Main Street but you know, there’s the po and tickets, and pedestrians. The great thing about it is the sheriff and his deputies would be long gone by then, so if I hit someone I really wouldn‘t have to stop. I could even rob a church on my way out of town. It wouldn’t really be robbing, it would be helping them do their job. I just know churches are all about giving, caring and sharing. And while I’m there I could say a quick prayer and be forgiven for hitting the pedestrian. It’s all good.
But what if we didn’t make it out alive? You see? Horror movies with chainsaws are much more pleasant than half of the mind-numbing craziness they pump out on these channels.
I tuned into Last Days On Earth during number four in the countdown. It was about the earth getting hit by a giant rock falling from outer space, and it didn‘t look very friendly. They say there is no way the human race could survive if a giant 6-mile wide asteroid hit earth, and it’s possible one like that wiped out the dinosaurs. The asteroid itself would be so hot that by the time it reached our atmosphere, anyone who is able to see the thing would be instantly burned, extra crispy. Well, ‘vaporized’ was the word they used, but I‘m not trying to scare anyone. And upon impact it would start a magnificent firestorm that would burn up the entire planet (well, that’s what they showed in the animation).
I take comfort in knowing NASA is hard at work at this very moment, looking for all 900 dangerous asteroids that would sting and possibly wipe us out, because they’re NASA. Don’t worry, they plan on finding all of them by the end of 2008. And even if they don’t, at least we know there aren’t any asteroids on a path toward us right now, so there’s really nothing to worry about.
But what if there were something to worry about? Before I switched channels they posed a question to some people they had brought into the studio. They may have been wannabe celebrities, but I think they found them in a Starbuck’s. They asked them what they’d do if they knew one of these humanity-killing asteroids was headed toward earth. One woman responded by saying, “I know this is going to sound selfish but I haven’t had any children yet, so I’d like to have a kid.”
???
The answers that followed hers -- I don’t even remember - when I heard that one it knocked my socks off. I mean, come on, I know some stupid people but even they would have more sense than that.
Then a serious looking gentleman said, “I’d have a kid.”
What? Two of them? I think this level of stupid needs to be smacked down with the world’s largest clue pan.
Okay, I think I can see their point of view now. Children are just accessories.
Childbirth isn’t quite as painful anymore thanks to epidurals and surrogate mothers. Having a kid isn’t a big responsibility thanks to grandmothers and day care centers… and nannies. So if a giant rock is coming to destroy earth they can breath easier knowing that chances are, they won’t have to deal with the nuisance of a screaming child when it happens.
Forget what I said about Starbuck‘s. These people must have been wannabe celebrities.
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