Dear Elizabeth...

Dear Elizabeth,

I’ve been trying to put myself into your shoes lately. I’ve tried to see things from your point of view. But I’m afraid I, I just can’t do that. I just can’t imagine what it would be like to be married to a habitual liar with a cheatin’ heart. I have no idea what it’s like to suffer such public betrayal. The pain and humiliation must be terrible.

And in all honesty, I can’t believe you’re still with a man who would confess to your face he had many hot days and even hotter nights with a woman much younger and more attractive than you. Are you that needy? There ARE other fish in the sea.

Why don’t you just leave? Save what little pride you have left and get out now. I mean, Holy Jupiter! Why on earth would you want to stay? All it takes is a trip down to the courthouse. You can be a free woman! Hell, I’ll even point you into the direction of a good lawyer.

What in tarnation are you waiting for? It can only get worse from here on out.





Sincerely,

John

Today's Forecast: Sarcasm Storm Rolling In

First: CNN hosts and company, while covering Obama’s win I don’t think you’ve uttered the word “historic” quite enough yet. Maybe you should say it another hundred times in the next few minutes just to get the point across.

And if Hillary had won the nomination, I guess you wouldn’t be saying the exact same thing.

I think it’s pretty obvious she is in fact, a woman. I think she does indeed have lady lumps. Whether or not they are lovely is a matter for Bill to debate with himself.


Number 2: It’s not just shorthand for “making a poopy”…

Why are so many guests on CNN saying that Clinton is diminishing Obama’s victory? I tune in and tune out like a monkey with ADHD. Seriously, there is no punch line here. I’m asking a legitimate question.

I want to know what you’re thinking. There are some things you can‘t hide. I want to know what you‘re feeling. Tell me what‘s on your mind.


Thirdly: Why are you political junkies suggesting it is somehow wrong for Clinton to hang in there like the trooper she is? How dare you. You can’t read her mind. You don’t know what is preventing her from conceding. She just might have some kind of agenda, like becoming our next President, perhaps. I just can’t put into words how I feel about you wolf… er, wolves. I am shocked that you’re wishing an end to the longest running delusion in nominee history. Unbelievable.


And last of all: This wasn’t even really a post, but rather, a bunch of jibberish with some Information Society lyrics thrown in for the hell of it. I apologize. I’m also sorry if you were deceived by my title. I know I promised you a “sarcasm storm.” That was very thoughtless of me and extremely inconsiderate. What can I say, I am a woman. But I’d really like to make it up to you. So, here you go…






















I never said I was an artist.