Dear John...

This is Elizabeth’s fake reply to John’s fake letter as posted here.

Dear John,

F*** YOU. This is all on YOU. Did you honestly think the truth would never come out? Seriously? Did you think for one minute you could not only cheat on me, but then just as easily chase me out of your life? Ah yes, that would be the icing on the mother f***ing cake.

You can plead ‘til the worms are slithering through your rotting corpse. I’m not going anywhere, babe. Not without a cage match to the death, you miserable man-slut.

I really do hate to rain on your parade, especially under the circumstances. You poor thing, you. What with all of the pressure, and the media exposing your lies... And now people are saying that bitch’s baby is yours too. I just can’t imagine what THAT must be like. BOO HOO.

You've really blown it, Johnny. I’ll never let your sorry ass off the hook. You’ll have to deal with me for the rest of your pitiful and pathetic life. Now I’m even more determined to keep my cancer in remission. If it comes back I'll fight it with a vengeance, only so I can give back all you have coming. Thank you for that.

Oh, and I WILL make your life a living hell. I'll be right by your side, haunting you at every turn. You phony, rotten, arrogant, deceitful, egotistical, slithering, back-stabbing, weaseling, lying, whore-licking, AIDS-sucking, cheating bastard!!!

Forever yours,

Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth...

Dear Elizabeth,

I’ve been trying to put myself into your shoes lately. I’ve tried to see things from your point of view. But I’m afraid I, I just can’t do that. I just can’t imagine what it would be like to be married to a habitual liar with a cheatin’ heart. I have no idea what it’s like to suffer such public betrayal. The pain and humiliation must be terrible.

And in all honesty, I can’t believe you’re still with a man who would confess to your face he had many hot days and even hotter nights with a woman much younger and more attractive than you. Are you that needy? There ARE other fish in the sea.

Why don’t you just leave? Save what little pride you have left and get out now. I mean, Holy Jupiter! Why on earth would you want to stay? All it takes is a trip down to the courthouse. You can be a free woman! Hell, I’ll even point you into the direction of a good lawyer.

What in tarnation are you waiting for? It can only get worse from here on out.





Sincerely,

John