Why do people care so much about celebrities?

Why do people even give a shit about who is marrying who, who is canoodling who, and who is selling themselves to reality shows because they’ve spent their fortunes on whores, drugs and Gucci? The way celebrities are exalted is sickening enough as it is, but there are people out there who actually care that Madonna and that Guy may be headed for divorce? People care that Hulk Hogan’s son is in jail and his wife left him to bang a toddler? Why do they care? Are they all close personal friends, relatives or on the payroll? If not, I guess there has to be a better explanation…


People like to mock celebrities. I don’t see this occurring nearly enough and quite frankly, it scares me. The average Jane and Joe seem to be getting the subliminal message that they are less of a person because they aren’t rich or appearing on Jay Leno and addicted to better drugs than marijuana. Some are just too busy to take a moment to joke around or at least have a laugh at the expense of a celebrity head currently touring the country.



I'm sorry, who is the star of the movie? I didn't catch his name. And I can totally understand the need for the giant head-on-wheels in order to promote a movie that probably sucks worse than Dr. Dolittle. I guess he really likes his head.

The way our culture reveres these people is ridiculous. Most celebrities are just asking for it. Especially Billy Ray Cyrus and his Frankenstein creation the kids know as Hannah Montana. So please, try taking a few minutes once in a while to point out the funny and the world will be a better place. It doesn’t matter where you are, but some good places are wherever you find magazines with celebrities plastered all over them. In line at the check-out, in a waiting room at a doctor’s office, in your grandma’s bathroom… the list goes on.


People are as stupid as the celebrities they adore. They are in love with the lifestyle and wish they were one of them. They don’t even know Tom Cruise is a robot and Oprah wants us all down on our knees in fervent prayer so she can bless us. Donald Trump is so rich now all he does is fire people. Barbara Walters wants to be remembered as a slut. Rosie O’Donnell wants us all dead so she can finally have room to move freely upon the earth, just like the dinosaurs once did. *Seriously, I need to eventually dive into that Photoshop. Hulk Hogan is the better parent, and that’s when you know a family is doomed.

They are innocent media victims. Celebrities are everywhere now. *Cough* MTV. It used to be when they weren’t performing whatever, you could only see them on early morning or late night shows for a few minutes, and of course in magazines. But times have really evolved. All of the celebrity-driven shows out there can potentially hypnotize the naïve into thinking these people are important. Talent used to be a requirement, but now anybody can be famous if they have the right connections. And eventually they started getting their own shows because they’re so sick of people chasing them with cameras. By the way, does anyone give a shit about Jessica Simpson these days?

My advice would be to run away. That goes double for the celebrities.

No time, but that will change

I really loathe the song “No Time” by The Guess Who, and it has found its way into my head again. Once every few years is entirely too often. I know it’s because I barely have any time to myself lately. Or maybe I heard it via a TV ad but I really don‘t see how the song could be used to sell a car. Either way, I’m looking forward to summer. Maybe you’d think life would be even more hectic with the kids out of school, but it’s quite the opposite. At least until August, when this evil thing called ‘boredom’ sets in and I consider trading away kids for things that are much more useful. For example, I’d like to get a man-maid just to see what the hell it is and discover all of its capabilities. It made an appearance in one of my dreams a while back, but I left him at the house to go out and dodge bombs so my questions were left unanswered. Anyway, with less than a month of school left our summer begins on Memorial Day Weekend, and I’m getting excited. Here are some ways I’ll have more time during summer:

The kids won‘t have homework. Thanks to the internet I’m always soaking up info but when it comes time for my brain to retrieve it, this is where I have a problem. “I can remember reading about the Mayans and when they predicted the end of the world, but sorry Son, it may have been 2012 or it could be December of this year. One of them is right, so just use both in your report to be safe. Or was it the Aztecs?”

Again, thanks to the internet it doesn’t take too long to find out but I’d rather have a photographic memory for the time-saving benefits.

They love to play outside. I get more done when they’re not in my face every ten minutes needing something. We know the people who live on our street and actually like two-thirds of them. Some of them have kids around the same ages so they all play together, then I don’t hear from my own until chow time or some one gets hurt. Usually it is only feelings. It doesn’t really matter unless blood is drawn, so I don’t let their squabbles rob me of my time. I tell them if they don‘t want to play I have some work they can do, which has quickly healed their broken friendships many a time.

They will spend more time with their dad. Their father rotates all shifts at work, and his days off are so varied and unpredictable it would take three rocket scientists with an 8-ball of cocaine to make an accurate prediction of his next schedule in advance. So throughout the school year the kids and I never know when he’ll have a weekend off to take them. During the summer it doesn’t matter - they can be whisked off at a moment’s notice on any day of the week, and I have no complaints.

I‘ll be doing less laundry. We’ll be wearing shorts and tees every day and when you compare that to bulky sweatshirts and jeans I guess it‘s pretty obvious. My sons wash their own clothes, but I don’t even like washing my own clothes, so I’m really excited about doing the wash for myself and two girls who spill everything they eat on themselves less often. I just can’t wait for summer.

Hurray for the grill. That means fewer pots and pans to wash. And it is always fun to draw a crowd only to send them away hungry. What happened to the pot luck concept? Someone bring me a dessert, damnit. I have lots of burgers to share, but someone please bring a good dessert. If I‘ve slaved over a hot grill it‘s the least you could do. And for God’s sakes people, stop sniffing the air and saying, “Ummm.” If you can’t contribute in some way, just step away from the grill. And keep moving ‘cause if I can see you, you’re too goddamn close.

So, how will I spend the extra time this summer? I hope I’ll be gazing upon the millions of stars up there in the sky like the wannabe hippie-slacker that I am, but most likely I‘ll be training our new dog to behave himself. But that is another blog entirely.

Are you looking forward to summer?