Paranormal Activity Titillates Sexually
PATS is an organization dedicated to stalking ghosts for sexual pleasure. Jimmy Bob Berry, Denny Waxoff and Andy Dumass formed the group after graduating from college together when they finally came to the realization that (for various reasons) they would never have sex with any human being. As time went on they soon attracted other like-minded individuals who were eager to, as Berry put it, “Get a good bone on and relieve ourselves while watching ghosts. It's not voyeurism if they know we're there. ”
Waxoff and Dumass were also available during the interview. Says Dumass, “I’m the original mastermind behind PATS. I’ve always had a deep fascination with the paranormal. It’s been a great experience so far. I’ll admit one misstep was walking in on Denny during a moment of climax, but he forgave me for that.”
Waxoff admitted, “It was hard to be angry at Andy. I mean, he unknowingly walked right into a jizz shower that day. And I never forgot to wear a condom after that.”
Berry claims PATS is very professional and detail-oriented. After taking care of business they clean up and leave no trace of their close encounters behind. And surprisingly, there is no shortage of haunted houses available.
“The phone rings every day,” a smiling Berry revealed. “People are always grateful when we show up with our equipment. They just want to know if it’s really a ghost in their building. They don’t care what we do when we get there. We get paid to do what we love.”
And exactly what kind of special equipment do they use?
“All we need is right here,” said Dumass, pointing toward his nether region. “In our pants,” he continued. “If we investigate a room and a ghost is present, it’s an automatic erection.”
Waxoff adds, “What could be better than this? Extra-terrestrials, that’s what. But we have yet to meet a willing alien.”
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